I have a confession. It's a serious one. I cannot make anything bread related. That includes: bread, sweet bread, pizza dough, buns, etc. To make pizza, I have to rely on Trader Joe's ready made dough. For this exercise, I did not make my own dough. But if your name is not LeTran and your online persona does not have the name The Chopping Block, you should check out Helen's pizza dough recipe because Helen is awesome since she can make bread and stuff.
So my boyfriend and I decided to make an epic pizza. He called it a shit show pizza but epic sounds way better.
We got 2 bags of fresh herb pizza dough from Trader Joe's and used 1.5 bags. Why 1.5? I don't know. One was too little and two was too much carbs so we Goldilocked that stuff. We even rolled it out to fit into my pizza "pan." Actually, I rolled it out, ripped it a bit and tried to patch it up...but you can't see anything! No no, that lump that you see there is nothing, it was just the weird light I have in my kitchen...yeah...
After the dough, we smeared it with some Jack Daniel BBQ sauce, layered it on with a ton of cheese and about 4 oz. of baby spinach. In retrospect, we should have added double the amount of spinach because they shriveled up and became nothingness with just 4 oz.
1/2 of a medium red (purple?) onion in chopped form landed on top of the bed of spinach.
It was my turn to distribute the jar of marinated artichoke hearts. Yes, I'm a little neat freak and had to line up my heart quarters.
This was when all of the important VIP arrived. We semi-cooked 4 slices of bacon and 2 spicy Italian sausages. The other VIP guests were Trader Joe's salami and about 15 shrimps.
It wasn't done! Noooooo, on top of the meat madness, we added more cheese and BBQ sauce. Cheesus!
The whole pie went into the preheated oven at 375 degrees for 15 minutes. We took it out and sprinkled on 1 stalk of chopped green onions and 2 sprigs of shredded sweet basil as garnishes. The pie went back into the oven for another 5 minutes.
Then we feasted.
I don't have really a "recipe" for this because it was just an everything-but-the-sink pizza. The point of this post, I hope, is to inspire someone to go crazy with the cooking and have fun. Cooking is really fun when you say "To hell with the rules!" and just make up your own stuff. Sometimes, you end up with something horrific that goes directly into the trash, but you'll gain one more don't-do-this experience and a good story to tell. There is no shame in creating a monster in the kitchen. So, please, join me in making more "shit show" pizzas and other dishes!
*Random note: I cheated and did absolutely no prep work (chopping, slicing, cooking, etc.) except for rolling out the dough.